I love dumb criminal stories. Even more I love celebrities getting in trouble. This latest one is pretty funny.

Yukota “Ko” Simpson, a safety for the Buffalo Bills, is hardly a celebrity but his recent arrest provided a great liner for SportsCenter anchors to probably use.

In South Carolina, one of Ko’s friends was getting arrested for marijuana possession. Ko proceeded to shout at officers until he made this epic line:

“Do you know who I am? I’m Ko Simpson of the Buffalo Bills! I’m worth millions!”

What a joke… however I like him more that he thinks a part-time safety for the Bills is going to be nationally recognizable.

Stories that I can never get enough of are coaches’ methods of motivating or inspiring their team. Earlier this year Jeff Fisher, coach of the Tennessee Titans skydived into practice. I’m not sure what he was exactly trying to say, but whatever it was probably involved being out of breath, his hair all messed up and a little bit of a pee stain on his pants.

The latest act is by Texas Tech Basketball Coach Pat Knight, the son of legendary coach Bob Knight, who brought a 12-year-old from the stands into the huddle. His point being that a 12-year-old could make a layup, why couldn’t his college aged kids? His team eventually went on to win the game, so clearly the tactic worked. I say he should’ve put the kid in at point guard and really showed up his players.

Either way, he still has a long way to go before he catches up with his father’s inspirational acts like choking a player and throwing a chair across the floor.

While this is very different from the old Writer’s Strike, the results are the same… you may not be able to have the unlimited entertainment that you once had.

Basically if Viacom and Time Warner do not reach a deal by midnight tonight (in about four hours) then you will be losing a dozen or so networks from your Time Warner cable. Including Comedy Central, VH-1, MTV….

Really, doesn’t affect me besides The Daily Show and South Park which I watch… but South Park is on repeats and The Daily Show can be watched online for free soooooo….. don’t really care….

As long as I still get my Lost in a few weeks, then they can go back and forth all they want.

Here are my predictions for this year’s NFL Playoffs

AFC Wildcard
#6 Baltimore Ravens over #3 Miami Dolphins
#5 Indianapolis Colts over #4 San Diego Chargers

NFC Wildcard
#6 Atlanta Falcons over #3 Arizona Cardinals
#5 Philadelphia Eagles over #4 Minnesota Vikings

AFC Divisional
#1 Tennessee Titans over #6 Baltimore Ravens
#5 Indianapolis Colts over #2 Pittsburgh Steelers

NFC Divisional
#1 New York Giants over #6 Atlanta Falcons
#2 Carolina Panthers over #5 Philadelphia Eagles

AFC Championship
#5 Indianapolis Colts over #1 Tennessee Titans

NFC Championship
#2 Carolina Panthers over #1 New York Giants

SUPER BOWL

CAROLINA PANTHERS OVER INDIANAPOLIS COLTS

I know it might seem odd that I picked my two girlfriend to make the Super Bowl, but if you take the way back machine you can see that I picked the Colts to lose in the Super Bowl preseason. I also successfully predicted Tom Brady would miss a start, but missed poorly on the Bills defense and Reggie Bush. Not to mention a ton of other teams.

So there you have it, let’s fight it out.

I’ve recently (past six months) become a fan of Charley’s Steakery foods. They were better then fast food and cook the meat fresh in front of you. I was impressed and it was very good.

Well, the past few times I’ve eaten there (Large California Sub) I’ve gotten sick a few hours afterwards. Therefore, I’d like to announce my unendorsement for Charley’s and say that along with Kentucky Fried Chicken they are on my NO-EAT LIST.

Interesting article in the Washington Post about how the CIA is trading Viagra to Afghanistan elderly men in exchange for information on terrorist cells. Old methods of money or guns always have the possibility of being used in the wrong hands, but with Viagra they get enjoyment and it’s over.

Whoever first thought of this exchange idea should win a medal. Brilliant.

NORAD has it covered. He’s in Australia as I write this.

My question is, what does this web site do the other 364 days out of the year? Is it just a static image of him in the North Pole? Does Santa make surprise trips around the world that we previously were unaware of? Did he spend a week in Cancun? So many questions.

On the left is Lyndon Johnson, then Reagen, then Clinton. And on the right is the the future crush of your tweener, President-Elect Barack Obama.

The world was shocked and appalled today when the latest episode of Law & Order: SVU did not involve a single rape.

The episode, entitled “Tuesday”, showed Detectives Elliot Stabler and Olivia Benson sitting in the precinct filing paperwork and having no reported crimes. At one point “Fin”, played by Ice-T, was frustrated when a Snickers bar he got from the staff break room was caught and would not fall. He proceeded to inform the Captain whom said he would alert maintenance.

Creator Dick Wolf described the episode as “Ripped straight from the real world. This is almost an identical replica of a Tuesday in a New York City station.”

While previous episodes have been filled with sexual assaults and abused woman, the only real danger a woman came across in this episode was when Detective John Munch spilled his coffee and created a slipping hazard.

RAINN, the Rape Abuse & Incest National Network, immediately launched an attack at NBC and the show’s producers. “The complete ignorance of the dangers in this world is frightening and heartbreaking. Law & Order has always been a long standing ally in our fight to alert the world of the continual unending danger of being raped. To show that you could go survive 60 minutes without any of these occurring is disingenuous to the American public.”

NBC Universal President Jeff Zucker promised that the next episode, slated to be called “Rape-pocalypse”, will return the show to it’s original format.

If you are under the age of 21, do not post pictures of yourself drinking alcohol on Facebook and/or Myspace.

Bonus points of idiocy if you include captions such as “I was so wastedddddd” or “Don’t remember this!”

MTV has decided to give the guys (and few girls) at CollegeHumor their own television show. I’ve always enjoyed their comedy shorts, it’ll be interesting to see what they do with a full half hour.

Probably the most ridiculous story I’ve heard in a long time, a child named Adolf Hitler was denied having his name spelled out on his birthday cake…. because, well…. his name is Adolf Hitler.

Heath Campbell said he named his son after Adolf Hitler because he liked the name and because “no one else in the world would have that name.” He sounded surprised by all the controversy the dispute had generated.

Whatttttt? You mean this name immediately makes people think of the millions and millions of people who died in the world’s greatest tragedy?! Come onnnnnnn…

The family itself is filled with conflictions. He says they had the party, the name printed on the cake by a Wal-Mart nearby, and “several children of mixed race” attended the party. Why would you let your kid come to an obviously racist home? Don’t get influenced by that.

Oh, but Casey, it’s just a name… I’m sure they’re not really racist:

He said he was raised not to avoid people of other races but not to mix with them socially or romantically either. But he said he would try to raise his children differently.

“Say he grows up and hangs out with black people. That’s fine, I don’t really care,” he said. “That’s his choice.”

Say he chooses that? No, it shouldn’t be a “choice” it should just be the way life is. You associate with human beings, regardless of their ethnic background. You really think growing up your entire life without having minorities in your life will provide you the unbiased knowledge to give your children the proper education? I’m sure those lessons will be filled with stereotypes and negativity.

This poor three year old, born into a racist family with a name that will haunt him forever. So many doors have been closed for him, even if he does change his name, just because of what you did. Awful.

JoePa is staying at State. Just agreed to a three year contract extension with the Nittany Lions. Pretty awesome I think. He keeps Penn State on the map and is a great recruiter. Everyone should be honest and realize that his staff is doing the majority of gameplanning, play calling and adjusting anyway. So the argument that we need “fresh blood” in there is ridiculous. This team was one 4th down stop in Iowa away from a national championship appearance.

Glad to keep you around Joe.

If you got a few minutes, someone at Cracked wrote up a much shorter and straight to the point script for the movie Twilight. Save yourself $8 bucks.